Q:

At our normal checkup for my baby, the nurses said to start my baby on solids.  The only thing is that they told me specifically was to start him on three vegetables. They told me not to start with fruit because then babies only prefer sweet things.  I don’t know about rice cereal. The nurses didn’t recommend it.
I also thought about separating the vegetables in case of allergy.

A:

1. One thing is that I would start him/her out on one food at a time.  I made Beth allergic to potatoes because I didn’t do that with her.  Look for little dots around his mouth after a food, and if he has that, switch to another food.
2. Bethany still has skin problems related to the eczema she had as a baby.  I didn’t take fish oil when I was pregnant, and I was very liberal about which foods I started her with, etc.
3. Possible Schedule (Only an idea):                                                                                                                                                                                                             1st week:  rice cereal  VERY diluted and mixed with formula or Mom’s milk.  (One of my babies had blood in her stool because I mixed it too thick).  You can very gradually get it thicker and thicker.  Mix it like it says on the box for the baby’s first feeding.

• 2nd few days:  squash or carrots.                                                                                                                                                                                 3rd few days:  green beans                                                                                                                                                                                           4th few days:  peas

• Don’t give your baby fruits or meats yet.  Especially don’t give honey, wheat, milk products, and egg!

I have a child who is dyslexic and has ADHD. Two books that have really helped me are:

Right-Brained Children in a Left-Brained World: Unlocking the Potential of Your Add Child by Jeffrey Freed and Laurie Parsons
and
Overcoming Dyslexia by Dr. Sally Shaywitz
(also for anybody with reading difficulties)

Dr. Shaywitz suggests going back over the more difficult phonics concepts such as prefixes, suffixes, dipthongs, blends... Hmm… I can’t remember.  Then she says to break down long words into syllables and practice reading them.  I did this with my son, making it a game and timing him to see if he could improve his speed with flashcards of (the same) long words.  He had fun with it and gained reading confidence.  I had skipped over some phonics concepts that my other kids just picked up on their own.  But her techniques turned Josh into a bookworm in about 2 weeks!  He still doesn’t have the comprehension skills or speed that his siblings have, but this really helped.

The “right brain” book is also so practical and wonderful, and it has specific techniques on how to teach almost every subject.  It has really helped me to see how Josh thinks!  It’s funny, though, that the author disagrees about phonics for these kids.  But after having seen how phonics worked great for Josh, I have to agree with Mr. Freed about almost everything except his condemnation of phonics.

He says to ask your child if he can picture a cube turning in his head and imagine each facet as it turns.  Josh can do this, but I can’t!  It’s one way to see if your child is right-brained.

Right Brained Children in a Left Brained World encourages parents to actually teach a few things to ADD kids early — can you believe it??  Because of him I introduced my 8-year-old son to negative numbers, squaring numbers, and a tiny bit of algebra.  This is really motivating to them and again, helps their self-confidence, which is usually pretty wounded in these kids.  Anyway Freed’s techniques are like Shaywitz’s.  They have amazing results.  The spelling one is introduced first because it is usually the most dramatic.

We had my son tested, and I believe it wasn’t an ideal testing situation because my son knew the rest of his siblings were playing, and as soon as he finished his test he could play, too.  This made him totally distracted.  Some of the questions that he got wrong, we asked him the next week.  He got them all right then…

Also the diagnostician (a wonderful Christian lady who did all this for free for us!!) doesn’t believe that my son is dyslexic or ADHD because she’s used to dealing with public school kiddos who had Butterfingers/Snickers for breakfast and are way more hyper than my son is and have much worse reading problems.  But I still believe he is.

Another thing that has helped is a book called Sequential Spelling. I try to do a test every school-day and it has really helped him to become better at spelling.  I read that studying spelling also helps with vocabulary and other areas.

Sequential Spelling is a very unusual spelling book because the writer starts with a root word and keeps adding to it until the child can spell very long words.  The student actually does not study for the tests!  It is like a dictation mentality, except they don’t have to write a whole sentence — just a word.

After he writes his word, I write my version in two colors, showing the parts of the word.  You don’t have to write it perfectly — there is no perfect way.  Just divide it how it seems right to you.

If he got it wrong, he erases and corrects his version.  Then he spells it outloud while writing it with his finger. It’s pretty fun, and it has really helped!

Josh also stopped having cereal, milk, or juice for breakfast.  (Is he still??   I need to double-check him on this.)  He does much better on:

• water
• fruit
• 100 percent whole wheat toast.  This idea came from the Homeschool Legal Defense Association webpage.

We do let Josh have a limited amount of dessert later in the day.  But I read that if the first thing in our mouths in the mornings is sugary, it spikes our blood sugar since it is taken on an empty stomach.

Another thing that helped Josh was to get glasses with prisms. He said his eyes get really tired when he reads without them.  Hannah says he is more hyper without them!  He doesn’t have a prescription for his glasses at all except for the prisms.  Thank you, Dr. Morrissey!

• For low energy: I think you should start taking iron even before you’re tested for anemia.  Iron can be constipating though, so drink prune juice or something if that’s a problem.  And be sure the kids can’t get into it — that it has a child proof lid or is way up high.  It is the number one cause of poisoning in kids.  I like to take a natural, herbal iron.  It seems to me that it absorbs better, but I’m not sure about that.
• Do you have good prenatal vitamins? After Grace I was wiped out and needed a nap — no energy at all.  My friend gave me good quality iron and health food store vitamins, and I am a new person!
• Have you thought about if you are pregnant with twins?  I actually thought I had twins with Grace because I felt sick SO early.  But I wasn’t!  The kids were so disappointed!  (I wasn’t!)  Did you know twins are more likely for older moms?
• I would think that if you have pregnancies really close together it’s very likely that you are anemic.  It can take a while to get iron levels back up, and some irons don’t absorb well.
• Be sure to take fish oil, which is a good idea for all pregnant moms or even women who may become pregnant.  I noticed that as I had babies, they were born less and less healthy — mostly that they had eczema.  That is because your first babies use up your omega 3 fatty acids, and your body cannot replace them unless you eat fish or flax or something.  I should probably take a really good quality fish oil that is guaranteed to be mercury-free, but I don’t spend the money on it!  But anyway, Andrew and Grace don’t have any eczema — Praise the Lord!!
• Are your tummy muscles uncomfortable, like they’re having trouble holding the baby up?  I really had that problem with Andrew.  After he was born, I did lots of sit-ups.  And with Grace those muscles were totally fine!  Thank you, God.  :O)

Be a missionary!

On the mission field we had some great experiences.  We traveled, saw many countries, ministered as a family, and learned how to be best friends with each other.

There really were no peers really because Japanese kids went to cram school in the evenings and had public school on Saturdays.  Our kids didn’t notice that they were being deprived of peers because they had each other to play with!

There were plenty of wrong influences in Japan, but since it wasn’t our home culture, the kids were oblivious to most of them.

If you want your children to have a heart for missions, what better way than to model it to them?  Our kids consider it quite normal to become a missionary because that was their life for ten years.

They don’t think we were or are heroes because we’re not — They would probably think that statement is quite laughable!  They just think it is normal to be a missionary.

Before I went on the mission field, I thought it must be the most exciting life there is!  After all, you get paid to travel to exciting places and tell people about Christ.  But I felt there were two big barriers keeping me from going:

• Missionaries probably have to be perfect.
• Probably everyone wants to be one, and all the spaces are filled.

If you have ever been on even a short-term trip, you know neither fallacy is true!  :O)  On the field I met very imperfect Christians like me.  They were just willing to go.

As for all the spaces being filled, well, all the mission houses we lived in now sit empty of believers.  No one is telling the Good News from those spots anymore.

If my children serve the Lord overseas, they will have a more realistic view of what to expect than I did.  I did not forsee any problems or loneliness or realize that sometimes we would open our doors, invite all, and no one would come.  But I am so glad we lived that reality in front of our kids, all the while having the privilege of drinking in an entirely new culture.

I saw things I had never seen before:  entire mountains simultaneously splashed with every bright Fall color, monkeys trying to get our French fries from my car window, all my children in silk kimonos, women who can sit motionless on the floor forever with a  perfectly folded position, cherry blossoms snowing down like a continual wedding, ice sculptures 3 stories high, Mount Fuji in all its glory.

My kids know that the United States is not the only place in the world.  They appreciate their home country even more for it.  When they study Geography, there is already a place in their brains for Thailand because we had a meeting there.  There are sins they shun because they have seen entire cultures broken because of their distain for God.

Our oldest two kiddos speak Japanese, and one got 16 hours of college credit for it.  Having learned a language at a young age, now their brains are more able to learn other languages later.

Our mission board, The International Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention, takes great care of their missionaries.  We always lived in nice houses and were provided with a nice van.  They provided an adequate salary, the best language training, counseling support, materials for homeschooling, good medical and retirement benefits, incredible strategy training, and shipping of many belongings.  We are so grateful to them.

Every missions experience is different, and if you send your children to institutional schools on the mission field, I can’t guarantee anything.  But I am so glad we gave our young, energetic years to the Lord overseas.

Q:  ”I am trying so hard to be a loving and Godly parent, but I just don’t think I can do it.  I always feel like a failure.”

A:  Are there people criticizing you?  Or is it just coming from yourself?  Remember the the enemy is the “accuser of the brethren,” accusing us before the Father night and day.  He is such a liar!!  When you refuse to listen to him, you defeat him and his kingdom of darkness and deception!

Remember we have all felt like total failures as parents, and so have the people criticizing you.  Especially them.  That is why they criticize — out of their own insecurity.  Remember the people who criticize often do so because they themselves are hurting and sad inside.

When I had Micah, my first child, people always told me with dismay that he was cold or hot or once that the way I was holding him made his arm actually turn blue!!!!  (it really did turn blue once)  I thought he would have to have it amputated because of my ineptness!!  :O)

Jesus and you are a great pair!  You’re making a disciple that will change future generations!

Grace is three years old, and she still goes potty:

• every time she gets up from sleep time
• before every sleep time
• after every meal

This means she ends up going every one-two hours!

I still have to walk around the corner where she can’t see/hear me in order for her to actually “go”.

I don’t want to tell her to go potty all day, so after meals I usually say, “Where should you go?”

If she wants to talk instead of doing her job in there, I say that I can’t talk until after she goes teeeeeee-teeeeeeee.  :O)

We have never stayed on schedule all day, haha! But the schedule does help, and I am so thankful for the scheduling kit I got from titus2.org.  It is called Managers of Their Homes.  I have not tried the others yet about chores and school, but I’m sure they’re great.  Some moms look at it and feel like it is not good for them since they are a small family.  But I disagree!  I was a mess when I only had one kid, and the scheduling book would have helped me then, too…

• I give myself treats if I wake up on time like special coffee, special soap for shower, pear honey on my toast, etc. because me waking up is a big key.

• We sleep late if there is sickness going around, we were up late, etc.  Then we try to pick up the schedule according to what time it is when we get going.  If breakfast isn’t cleaned up and devotions done until 9:30, then we do what it says at 9:30.  (for the most part)

• I skip a lot of subjects that could be considered unnecessary like Health, songs, poetry, art, repetitive math worksheets once they understand, kindergarten…  I don’t do writing assignments much at all (and Micah just won a state-wide essay contest!)
• We have a lot of interesting books around to read in order to make the kids better writers.  English authors give a new flavor to the language, so we sometimes buy used Sherlock Holmes, Paddington Bear, Alice in Wonderland, and G. A. Henty books.

• With subjects like science, literature, and history, I mainly just try to have the kids learn to read, then I provide them with good reading material from the library, garage sales, used book sales, and old textbooks nobody wants.  Then I let them choose what they want to read for those subjects.  I don’t make them answer questions at the end of chapters.

• If they want to read, “Flies Taste with their Feet” instead of a science workbook or textbook, that’s great with me because they’ll retain the info better if they’re interested.  Or if they’d rather read a biography about Joseph Haydn than a history workbook or textbook, great!

• When I was in public school and taught public and Christian school, the teachers didn’t finish the textbooks!  So I don’t pressure myself to finish textbooks.  I don’t remember things I learned in school except math facts and a few other things.

• I read a book by a home school mom whose kids all went to Harvard.  That is not my goal for my kids, because colleges nowadays seem to force liberal philosophies on the students. Even Christian colleges!  But I learned from that book that kids can get a good education for not much money and mom not going crazy! She pointed out that math is just one of those subjects that required textbooks.  You can use ones from the grocery store or whatever.  I do like ACE because the kids finish books and get excited about moving on to the next one!  Also it teaches Bible verses in the math books, has comics the kids enjoy, and has great explanations designed to let the kids figure out their math for themselves.

• I don’t make the kids do every page if they understand the concept.  I let them move up to the next grade if they are ready.  The ACE books are a little on the easy side, so it is good to have them a little above grade level.

• I try to look for writing contests when I get a minute (haha!  When do I have a free moment?!) to motivate my kids to write.  But usually the contests are for the older kids.  Sometimes libraries have contests for younger ones.  Often when the littlies see the oldies writing they want to write, too.

• I also use ATI, put out by Institute in Basic Life Principles.  It is so great and amazing!  We also read God’s World News but read the lower levels because the upper level ones have heavy subjects.  It is great, too, though!

• When I teach how to read, I use various phonics books – let me know if you want the names.  And I use the phonics cards from Christ Centered Curriculum.

• I have one who has a lot of trouble spelling, and Sequential Spelling has been a great help for him.

• One more — Handwriting Without Tears — Now that I don’t have a baby (Grace is three) I have time to teach some of the kids handwriting one on one for a few minutes a day.

• I recommend titus2.com for many issues, not just scheduling — They are a precious family –  Also growinggodlytomatoes.com is good for training.

Chapter 11 — “He Lived What He Taught Us”

“My Father did not push us to prayer, he led us–first by the consistent example of being a pray-er himself, then by asking the blessing (a phrase he thought more accurate than ’saying grace’) at meals, and by gathering all of us together after breakfast for family prayers, as described in Mother’s article. I do not say that we always followed willingly, or with anything like spiritual hunger or understanding, nor until years later for most of us. But I do say that there was no hypocrisy on his part to pull the rug out from under what he tried to teach us. Children are as keen as bloodhounds to sense that. He believed what he said. We could not have doubled that. And he lived by it.” p. 57

Chapter 21 — “Rules”

“God in his mercy told his people what to do and what not to do. My parents made rules for us, ’stakes’ and ‘ties’ to help us live a peaceful and fruitful life. The keeping of these rules was our early training in that renunciation and death to self which will never be easy for any if us so long as we live in this mortal body, yet that very renunciation is the route to freedom and fulfilment, The obedient child is the happiest child.” p.125

Chapter 22 — “Enforcement: A Mission For Redemption”

“I have tried to show that the rules and regulations of the home my parents established, the order that characterized that home, and the response of us children were based on love for God. Human love is subject to many vicissitudes. My parents wisely sought to follow, in shaping our behaviour, the way God deals with the children He loves

“‘If his sons forsake my law and do not follow my statutes, if they violate my decrees and fail to keep my commands, I will punish their sin with the rod, their iniquity with flogging; but I will not take my love from him, nor will I ever betray my faithfulness.’  p. 131

(George MacDonald,  Unspoken Sermons)” p.136

Q:  I am wondering what I should do about my toddler son whining all day long.  He pulls on me, cries, and constantly wants me to grab his little fingers and walk around with him.

He slept during all his nap times, and I put him down 2-3 additional times because I thought he might be tired or something.  He never slept during the extra nap times, just kicked and played.

I can’t walk him around every second, right?

A:  You said he kicked and played in his crib but didn’t cry, right?  I say try letting him have more down time in his crib.

I also try to never give my kids what they want if they whined for it. They have to ask nicely.  That is where the sign language for “please” comes in handy.  You can find it online — It is making a circle on your (his) chest.  Usually little bitties can’t really do it, so they just do something similar, but it is usually identifiable!  It is mentioned on gfi.org (Growing Families International).

When my kids get older, I try to say really nicely (per James Dobson’s advice years ago), “Sorry, I don’t hear whining.” I can only “hear” what they want if they act nicely.

By the way, I also don’t hear complaining!

Hang in there!  You are discipling a future world-changer!

If you are just beginning potty training, see the list at the bottom of the email.  You can do it!! I have used “she” many times in this post because some of the info came from an old email I wrote to a friend who was potty training a girl.  Please switch out the pronouns as needed!  :O) I had trouble training many of my kids in this area, and I feel like it may have been because I was too worried about the house being clean and too stressed out about the whole thing.  I still love a clean house, but I keep experiences in the bathroom positive.  Many thanks to my friend Lynn in Florida who helped me learn how to potty train without so much stress!!

1. Listen what he/she asks for during the day.  I realized my little boy asked for popcorn all the time!  I had promised him everything in the world for pottying, but the popcorn was what worked.
2. One of our friends gives prunes as a treat for successful pottying.   Isn’t that cute?!  Then any kid nearby can have one to celebrate! — If a family had a problem with constipation, this would work great! :O)
3. You may have noticed that when a child refuses to go potty many times it is because they have to go poo poo. I take refusing as a sign that they definitely need to go!
4. Have a sibling  read to them or something while they are on the potty.
5. Also it has been helpful to leave the child on there, tell her she can’t get down, then go to the next room and say, “tell me when you’re done.”  That way they often quit playing and get to business :O).
6. In the beginning sometimes it was hard for Grace to go if …  (Well, I guess it still is) if we are looking at her, making any noise, etc.  If she starts going, I just smile really big instead of praising right away, because talking can make her stop and lose her concentration.
7. You can role-play with her.  Have her pretend she is playing, then realizing she has to go poo poo.  “Excuse me.  I gotta go!”  Then she leaves what she’s doing, puts her own stool up next to the potty, pulls down her own pants, etc.  Grace is my first to practice like that and my first to have initiative and go by herself (At first it was just once in a while, and now it is a little more frequent for her to suggest that she goes.)
8. You could put the potty chair in front of a video with a bathmat underneath …
9. One thing that works for us is to put on disposable diapers with her standing up.  (they’re cheaper than pull-ups, so I didn’t buy pull-ups with Grace.  They can usually slide like pull-ups, too, although sometimes you have to undo one side for them to slide)  Diapers are also more handy than pull-ups for the following step…
10. What to do if she needs a diaper for naps and underwear for wake times: If it’s time for nap and she’s wearing panties, I sit on the rocking chair ottoman in her room, have her hold up her dress or shirt, pull down the pants and panties, and put the diaper on.
11. If she doesn’t hold up her shirt, you can put the diaper on outside of the shirt.   Then un-tuck the shirt.  Then I pull everything back up.  So during naps she wears a diaper, panties ontop, pants or shorts on top of that.  That has just been easier for us so we don’t have to take off pants and panties before and after every nap.
12. If your child makes their underwear “dirty” give them plain white underwear, until they go in the potty.  Then they get to pick out a new design from the drawer.
13. If you are reasonably sure your child goes poo poo when you are not around, sometime in the morning but usually before he even gets up, then you could be the one to greet him each morning.  Try ‘snuggling’ first then announce, “Okay, it’s time to go…” and take him to the potty chair and encourage him to go.  Perhaps tell him you are going to leave to do… and you will be right back (2-3 minutes) to see the poo poo in the potty. It could be that he plays a little while in bed and the moving around, quietness and just the comfort of his bed gives him the needed freedom to release his poo poo there, instead of the potty chair.
14. Try having your child eat his meals in the same place, about the same time each day and rarely give snacks in between, until he/she is potty-trained.  You can reserve the snacks for a poo poo success.  If he drinks all day by access to a sippy cup or other’s drinks left in reach he may need to urinate every 15-30 minutes depending on how active he is.  If his intake of food and beverage is regulated then his output is usually regulated and predictable.
15. Grace is 3, and what we have done all along is that she goes to the bathroom as soon as she wakes up, after breakfast, before morning nap, after morning nap, after lunch, before afternoon nap, after afternoon nap, and before bed.  This ends up being about every 1-2 hours!  But hey, it works :O).
16. Make sure when you send them in there they really do go potty!
17. If it is warm weather (It’s November now, so …  if you live in the tropics, ha!  :O) you can dress them in a long t-shirt only or a dress for a girl.  Some children don’t like the feeling of the you-know-what running down their leg and will train more quickly that way.

For Those Who are Just Beginning the Potty Adventure:  :O)

1. Before you begin to train, it is best to not allow the child in the bathroom at all unless really necessary.  Babies tend to get in trouble in there, playing with the toilet, etc.  If they’re always in trouble in there, they won’t think of it as a positive place, and they won’t have as much emotional energy to work hard during training.  Remember it is quite a bit of work to figure this out for them!  :O)
2. If your baby has gotten in trouble a lot in the bathroom, you might want to carry him in there a few times before starting to train.  Say happy things about the future when they’re big and can go there in order to put a positive spin on the place.
3. Pick a day that you can have your husband, older siblings, or a friend over to help keep things positive and fun.  It would be great if they can cook for you, too!  :O)  Now your child is allowed in the bathroom!  They are big.  “Hey, look, it’s fun in here!”  :O)
4. If you use this method, you are going to, as funny as it sounds, spend the day in the bathroom, showing your child how positive and fun it can be in there.  You certainly don’t have to use my method.  I’m sure there are many great ones!  This is the one that worked for me.  Bring:  a pillow or chair for you to sit on, cleaning rags, a stack of training pants, Sprite (clear, sweet won’t cause diarrhea like tons of undiluted juice can in some children), books, treats and thanksgiving are the needed items for success.
5. Pray out loud with your child.  Thank the Lord for the opportunity. Thank Him for everything.  Ask for His blessing on the event.  Start out cheerfully (exaggerate) teaching her the steps.  Can she pull down her own panties?  Skip the plastics till you go out of the bathroom.  In the bathroom it is all training time so you don’t want to discourage her from too much to do.  Make it simple.
6. With Grace, for the first time I did not use a potty chair or attachment. This was such a blessing!!  Grace doesn’t know any different, so she just uses our regular seat.  She is more flexible when traveling, I don’t have to empty or clean that little pot, and the bathroom is less crowded!  On her first day of training, she learned how to push a stool up to the potty by herself.  Now she doesn’t need it, so I’m not sure if it is necessary to use a stool or not.
7. Reward her with sips of Sprite every time she does anything cooperative in the training.  Give the other treat only when she goes in the potty (even if you quickly lift her to the pot- mid stream).  She will associate treat with the flow in the pot.
8. Much praise, much praise. After you have taught her how to pull her pants down, climb on the pot, wipe, get down, pull on pants and wash hands then the Sprite should ‘kick in’ and you should have flow every 15 minutes or so.  Don’t give her too much salty unless she is refusing to drink.  Keep thanking the Lord, out loud.
9. If you get frustrated (which is lessened by being in the bathroom because of easy clean up and you are not trying to do anything else) pray through it.  Picture people who have greater suffering and use it as a prayer target to pray for them.
10. With Grace we had the birthday box ready in the bathroom to throw a potty party when she succeeded.  I could tell she was getting uncomfortable and needing to go, so I put her on the seat.  When she finally succeeded, we blew up balloons, hung streamers,  played a cd of happy kids’ songs, and pulled out all the stops!  The kids thought it was pretty funny, and Grace thought we were all lunatics, but it worked!
11. Stay there until you feel either your job is done for the day or until you can’t take it anymore.  (I did the second one).  I’m sure you’re way better at this than me!  :O)  It helped me that my kids kept checking on us.  Grace and I read lots of books that day together, and I was so glad we got so much done the first day.  If God gives us another child, you may need to come cook for me give me hugs, and encourage my little tike on the pot!  Thanks in advance!  :O)