Sexual attraction is all physical, hence it’s easy to spot. But love involves the mind, body and the brain, such are the all-encompassing effects of this experience.
Add to this the fact that men and women feel love differently, and it is easy to understand why women of all ages and from all walks of life have a rough time de-coding a man in love.
Another issues is that our understanding of the world around us is heavily influenced by our own definitions of how things should be and our own reactions to various aspects of life.
For instance, the headiness of a blossoming romance quickly drives women to admit how very much in love they are. In fact, most women are only stand a hair width away from punctuating every statement they utter with “I love you” or some version of it.
And, they expect the object of their affection to respond in kind. But, therein lies the disconnect- Men feel love differently and react to the headiness of the urge differently too.
So, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t clearly decipher the signs that he loves you deeply. Every woman out there has been through this conundrum. Also, don’t make brash moves just because in your head you have concluded that he loves you or loves you not.
Continue reading to know about the tell-tale signs of a man in love and you will be able stop that nerve racking scepticism once in for all. As always, let’s begin with the basics and that would be- The male brain on love.
How Do You Know When A Man Loves You Deeply?
Love comes about when the neuronal circuits of lust and attachment fire together in the male brain! This stimulation lights up very specific areas of the noggin and churns up an interesting concoction of neurochemicals and hormones. Together, these changes influence a man’s behaviour in remarkable ways. Take a look at what goes on when the male brain begins to feel love in all its glory!
The visual cortex takes the lead:
As it is, this part of the brain, which picks up on and responds to visual stimuli, is overdeveloped in the male noggin.
Plus, being in love causes greater activity in this centre, which means a man develops superhuman vision and attention for his lady love. No, he won’t be able to double up as your handy x-ray machine. But, he sure will notice the minutest details, all positive of course.
The beast that is the hypothalamus:
This is another part of the noggin that works differently in male and female brains. The space of hypothalamus devoted to sex is 2.5 times larger in men than in women.
Plus, the love chemicals keep this large center all hot and bothered. So, he is going to have the hots for you all the time.
A brain with better forward and backward connections:
Literally, the masculine brain has better connectivity in the areas to the front and the back than in between the two lobes as is seen in women.
This explains the single track mind that men are often accused of possessing. This accentuated connectivity and the hyper excitement of some areas of the brain means that you will be the object of his one track attention if he is in love with you.
The protector goes on:
As a man goes through the 3 stages of love- lust, attraction and attachment, the body increases the production of testosterone. This hormone acts on the brain circuitry involved in protective instincts.
So, a man in love has an overwhelming urge to both protect and defend. The very same circuitry is also responsible for the desire to do whatever it takes to maintain a man’s position in the pecking order. In this case, the group of your prospective suitors is that pecking order (even if these prospective suitors only exist in his head), and you are the grand prize.
The fix of dopamine:
Also, love leads to a surge in the levels of two neuromodulators: dopamine and nor-epinephrine. While dopamine is associated with euphoria, fearlessness and even addictive behaviour; nor-epinephrine is a stress chemical that elicits physical responses like those caused by stimulants. And that explains the fluttering of a heart that longs for the love of his life.
Vasopressin seals the deal:
Finally, the hormone vasopressin creates the feeling of being bonded and the desire to continue to forge and improve this bond. In other words, this neurochemical is responsible for “imprinting” love on the brain.
Together this curious mix of chemical and physiological responses in the brain influence a man’s behaviour when he is head over heels in love. But, that was all brain-talk.
Let me tell you how these changes in the brain impact both behaviour and reaction and hence can be used as tell-tale signs of a man madly in love with a woman.
Signs A Man Loves You Deeply – The Psychological / Behavioural Cues!
1. He goes into alpha mode:
All that testosterone coursing through his veins impacts him in two ways. The first is of course that he can’t get enough of you and second, he wants to hold on to his winning position. He knows that he has impressed you and wants to continue to keep you impressed.
And in a bid to show you how amazing and totally right he is for you, he will often talk about his accomplishments and be on his chivalrous best behaviour. In fact, if you see an uptick in this instinctive behaviour when you are in the company of other men, you can be reasonably sure that what the two of you have is about more than just sex.
2. He craves both physical and emotional bonding:
Of course more than half of all couples state that sex is an important part of both falling in love and being in love. But, a man in love also craves emotional bonding and time together with the woman he loves.
In fact, research suggests that even a glance at the photograph of his lady love will drive up the level of dopamine in a man’s brain. After the first few instances, the male brain gets addicted to these dopamine shots and that leads to the constant craving to be with you and to initiate contact with you.
So, if your man strives to spend time with you, even if that means accommodating activities that he does not particularly enjoy, we are definitely talking about more than infatuation here.
3. He welcomes you into his inner circle:
Of all the behavioural signs that he loves you deeply, this one is the most reliable. If a man introduces you to his friends and family, you can be sure that he thinks you are a keeper. And you have the extremely potent combination of vasopressin and dopamine to thank for this reaction.
The cocktail of these neuromodulators induces the feeling of excitement and even pride along with the desire for social bonding. Simply put, he wants your relationship to go beyond the bedroom. In fact, he wants to show the world what a gal he has landed.
4. He lets his guard down:
Another distinctive sign of the relationship being more than just a passing fling is a man allowing you into his heart and his mind, where his emotions and his troubles reside. Boys are taught at a very young age to hide their emotions and put on a brave face.
So, if your man has started opening up to you and does not hesitate to discuss his troubles and feelings with you, this is a striking indication of dipping serotonin levels, which also bring down inhibitions and cautiousness.
Plus, it also clearly shows that trust has blossomed between the two of you. This indicates that he cares about your advice and your judgements because he has mentally created a space for you in his life and in his future.
5. He pays attention:
Another significant impact of love on the brain is its ability to turn your beloved into the focal point of all your attention. This effect is also attributed to plunging serotonin levels, which can reach similar lows as those observed in people with obsessive compulsive disorder.
To cut through the jargon, if a man has fallen hard for you, he literally cannot think of anything or anybody else but you. In terms of behavioural changes, this impact is easy to spot as he will be all ears when you are talking. He will laugh at every one of your jokes or even sentences that are just mildly funny.
It is not a pretence/polite laugh; it is just that he is concentrating so hard on you that even gentle nuances of humor are highlighted in his brain.
6. The kisses are not just a prelude to sex:
He will kiss you like he means it and not just when he wants some. In fact, the kiss could move away from the lips and even to the forehead or the cheeks. In other words, he makes a physical connection not just for the sake of sex but because the emotional connect it creates lights up the reward center in his brain.
This is another classic sign of love. Moreover, a kiss that moves away from the lips is also a clear indication that you are not just one of the girls. It’s an indicator of respect, caring and emotional intimacy, all of which put you in a special bracket.
7. He starts dipping into his primal instincts to protect and provide:
As discussed above, this is another behavioural change that is attributed to sky rocketing testosterone levels. They make a man dip into his primal instincts- That of being the provider and the protector.
So, he will go out of his way to help you with any problems that you may have. In fact, even if a particular task is not particularly exciting for him or involves some amount of inconvenience for him, he will still take it upon himself to help you with it.
8. He wants to be a part of your inner circle:
As dopamine levels increase, they give rise to a sense of euphoria. Add to this the surge of oxytocin that physical bonding creates and you have a mix that lowers trepidations and makes him see you and everything and everyone around you as an extension of his world.
So, if he is serious about you, he certainly won’t make excuses to not meet your loved ones. On the contrary, he will want to know the people who matter to you and will go out of his way to impress them.
9. He is keen to know your views:
The combination of vasopressin and oxytocin also builds trust and the desire to create a bond. So as he starts thinking about his future with you as a part of it, don’t be surprised if he seeks your views on both important and not-so-important matters.
Moreover, passionate love also impacts a man’s ability to focus on other aspects of life. Since he finds it hard to concentrate on other aspects of life or inevitably ends up involving you in these other aspects, he is bound to turn to you for advice when clarity eludes him and he needs to make a decision.
10. He puts real effort into the relationship:
This is another sign of a man in love. Typically, the male animals tends not to put in an effort into any aspect of life that does not have a takeaway for him.
So, if you see your boyfriend trying hard to make things work or if you see him going to lengths to keep you happy, it just means that being with you offers him a reward. In other words, his noggin gets a dopamine hit when he is around you and with you. And that is another clear cut sign of love!
10 Signs He Loves You Deeply – His Body Language Will Spill The Beans!
1. He wants to be as close to you as possible:
Yes, I am talking about in the actual physical sense here. If you have been dating for a while, this is a striking sign not just of attraction but also of attachment.
And as you must know by now, together these two translate to love. On a psychological level, this indicates an urge to be close to you both mentally and physically.
2. He is always smiling and happy when around you:
Remember the euphoria inducing effects of dopamine? Well, all the smiling and the happiness for no reason at all are attributed to that potent neuromodulator.
3. He is all touchy-feely:
No, I am not talking about intentional touching, hugging or kissing here. A man struck by cupid’s arrow will often indulge in subtle touching. These are non-mindful physical interactions that come from the realms of the subconscious.
So, even without really thinking about it or meaning to do it, he will touch you gently and while you will feel the warmth of it, the touch may not be sexual at all.
4. He can’t take his eyes off you:
The phrase- “Blinded by love” is actually a science-backed statement! Because love impedes the ability to focus on other aspects, people and things, you will often find a man in love looking at his woman.
There will be a lot of eye contact and it may even seem like the rest of the world is simply passing by in a blur for him.
5. He starts showing signs of being in sync:
At a psychological level being in physical sync with another person or even trying to be in sync is an unmistakeable sign of a man bonding with a woman at a mental and emotional level.
So, if he has started mirroring your body language, you can be sure that even at the subconscious level he wants to win your affection and approval.
6. He does not mind showing you his vulnerable side:
If you are cat or even a dog person, you’ll know how animals go belly up when they start to love you. It’s because their tummy is their vulnerable part and exposing it to you is their way of telling you that they trust you.
Well, men also tap into this primal behaviour when they are in love by tilting their head and exposing their vulnerable neck. Also, the head tilt is a sign of intense focus. The best part is that this is also a subconscious act, which means that it is more reliable than most behavioural signs.
7. He is all flushed:
The thing about dopamine is that it also spurs the secretion of adrenalin. Think of this one as the hormone of excitement. So, all that dopamine in his system will create a physical reaction in the form of an increase in heart rate and blood pressure.
Together, these will give him the look of being all flushed when he sees you. Also, this outward effect will be accompanied by clammy hands and the need to take a deep breath to keep the brain and the body oxygenated. Once again, these nonverbal cues are beyond the control of the conscious mind, hence very reliable.
8. He leans into you:
This is a classic sign of a man being engaged with a woman, physically, mentally and emotionally. Plus, at a subconscious level, this is also another way to reduce the distance between two people. So, if you often find him at the edge of his chair, leaning towards you as you speak, there is a very good possibility that love’s in the air.
9. He holds on to you:
This is in the literal sense. If he always has his hands around your waist or he tends to hold your hand even when you guys are strolling casually or if he has his hand on your shoulder as you sit or if he pulls you in as you two sit, this is his way of declaring to the world that you belong to him.
Now, don’t take that statement negatively. I know it sounds regressive but I am merely making a psychological point here. Males of all species tend to mark their territories and show off their mates; this is the human male’s way of doing just that.
10. He has his feet pointed towards you:
I know that in some cultures this may be perceived as disrespectful but in the Western world, this is a nonverbal sign of interest and intent. Simply put, you point your feet to where you are headed or where you see yourself going.
So, if he has his feet pointed towards you when sitting casually, subconsciously he is relaying the information that his heart and his life are headed towards you.
Signs A Man Loves You Deeply – The Actions That Speak Louder Than Words!
- He tries to be in touch with you constantly, be it through texts, messages or even phone calls.
- He gets jealous and irritated when another man tries to flirt with you or when you are surrounded by other dudes because he sees them as competition.
- He tries very hard to not keep you waiting.
- When he is late, he makes it a point to apologize. If he respects your time, it also means that he respects you, which is another clear indication of the relationship turning serious.
- He only has eyes for you; no literally! So, there will be no askance glances at other women, no matter how beautiful the other woman is.
- He will be happy to take care of you when you are feeling under the weather.
- He will make it a point to compliment you even on things that you thought he’d never notice. Remember, you do have his undivided attention if those pangs of love taking over his heart.
- He will make himself available to help you out no matter how trivial the task or the problem.
- He will enjoy himself and make even the most mundane chores fun as long as he is with you.
- He develops a homely streak, even if he is not sure of what he is doing half the time. So, expect him to help you out with the dishes and the cleaning and to do the heavy lifting with the grocery bags as well as home improvement projects.
- You can just feel him having a ball of a time when he is around you. From goofy dancing and singing to doing silly things that make you laugh, expect them all and more.
- He prioritizes you over all else. So, he won’t have a problem making a few sacrifices for you.
- He misses you like crazy and has no qualms telling you so.
- He genuinely cares about you and every aspect of your life.
- He is very supportive of your decisions and aspirations and very encouraging of everything that you want to do.
- He is all ears even when the topic of the conversation is something that normally bores men to death; think problems within the girl gang or even at work.
- He includes you in his plans for the future. In fact, don’t be surprised if all the “I” statements turn into “we” statements.
- Of course, you will fight and have misunderstandings, but he won’t hold a grudge nor will he try to be hurtful when you are having a go at each other.
- He won’t bail out on you no matter how insignificant the occasion.
- He will brag about you because in his head he has got himself a trophy, and the best one out there at that.
So, there you have it ladies, no need to pluck out petals to know if he loves you or not. These are all science-backed signs of a man who is either falling in love or is already head over heels in love.
However, when using these signs to decide the fate of your relationship, you must remember two things:
- Over time, dopamine levels stabilize. But, this does not mean the end of love. In fact, this is the beginning of a more stable and longer lasting phase that we know as “Being in love”.
- Don’t use just one or two of these signs to gauge his feelings for you. Remember that attraction is the first phase of the experience we know as love. But this phase does not always lead to the second and the third phases.
So, give your relationship a few months to mature, so to speak before you take a call on it (unless of course he shows clear signs of not being interested; in my next article, I elaborate on this). This will buy you more time to observe him and interpret his behaviour.
And on that note, I wish that all of you gals out there find the one true love that you seek and want!